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Nincs buta kérdés,csak hülye gyerek.

-Nem tudtál volna arrébb esni?
-De. Legközelebb Rád ülök!

A kőóriás az elkészült hajóra rádob egy kősziklát. Így szól a kapitány:
-Jó fél órát dolgoztam azon a hajón,te,szemtelen semmirekellő!
Így szól az őrnagy:
-Mért nem hívja meg teára, meg süteményre?!

Értelmes emberekkel szívesen beszélgetek.
Gyakran beszélgetek magamban.

Csapatmunka az,amikor sokan csinálják azt,amit mondok.

Ha a pénz beszél..
Az enyém még csak annyit tud mondani: Viszlát...

Rám nagyon kell vigyázni,mert belőlem csak egy van! Másokra nem kell, ők többen vannak!

Ne hagyd magad. Én se hagylak!

-Figyu,honnan tudok kódokat leszedni egy játékhoz?
-Jujj,nemtudom. Nem nagyon játszok.
-Oké.
-De tetszenek a problémáid 1 nappal érettségi előtt.


Nem én vagyok ideges,
te vagy kurva idegesítő.

Reggel nagy para volt. Nem tudtam hol vagyok. Nem bnőnél,nem haveroknál. Aztán rájöttem,hogy fordítva fekszem az ágyamban.

Nem tudom mitől vagyok ilyen hülye,de működik...

Minden mindegy,ha őrültek lehetünk...

Csak a telefonod vagyok,azért sípoltam,hogy vegyél ki a zsebedből,mert túl közel vagyok a töködhöz és nagyon büdös. Szerintem megdöglött.

A barátságod nagyon sokat jelent nekem. Ha te sírsz,én is sírok. Ha nevetsz,én veled nevetek. Ha te kiugrasz az ablakon...én nevetek tovább...

Két rabló betör egy bankba. Nagy nehezen kinyitják az első széfet, de csak vanília fagyit találnak benne. Azért megeszik. A második széfet is kinyítják,abban is vanilía fagyit találnak és megeszik. Így tesznek a harmadikkal is.
-Pénzt nem találtunk,de legalább ettünk egy jót.-mondják.
Másnap reggelezt olvassák az újságban: "Ismeretlen tettesek kiraboltak egy spermabankot."

Ne csókolózz hátsó kertben. A szerelem vak,de a szomszédok nem.

Két hangya fekszik röhögve,befüvezve az úton. Arra jön az elefánt,mire megszólal az egyik hangya:
-Fogadjunk,nem bírsz ráállni erre a morzsára.
Az elefánt rááll a morzsára, a hangyák dőlnek a röhögéstől. Mire a másik hangya szól az elefánthoz:
-Fogadjunk,nem bírod a fejedre tenni a másik morzsát.
Az elefánt a fejére teszi,mire a két hangya sikongatva,majd megfulladva a röhögéstől egyszerre megszólal:
-Mekkora szendvics, vazze !!

A többi lánnyal
ellentétben képtelen vagyok úgy lefeküdni valakivel ha nem vagyok
szerelmes...szerencsémre pillanatok alatt szerelmes leszek...

 Hidd el nekem sem tetszik a pofád.

Szakáll atya azt mondotta:
hangos fingnak nincsen szaga,
de amelyik fing hang nélküli,
annak szaga rendkívüli!

Hiába vagy bika,ha a felső tested fika.

A pofon egy elhadart simogatás.

Evolúciós késztetés,hogy törődjünk azzal,aki fontos nekünk,és evolúciós késztetés az is,hogy leszarjunk mindenki mást.

Amit a kutyának mondunk:
"Jól van Bodri,elég volt. Hagyd békén a szemetet. Érted Bodri? Hagyd békén a szememtet,mert különben..."
Amit a kutya hall:
"Bla bla Bodri bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Bodri bla bla bla bla bla bla!"

Az én virágomon mindenki póniló, és nem esznek semmi mást csak szivárványt és lepkekakit. (Horton)

A sportolás azoknak való,akik nem elég intelligensek a heverészéshez.

Elkerül a szerencse,mint a minőség a Tescot.

Én iszok,Te iszol,Ő iszik,Mi iszunk,Ti isztok,Ők fizetnek!!!...

Következő generációban ez lesz a megszokott: "Apaaa,hogy ismerted meg anyát?""láttam facebook-on és bejelöltem."

Ha nem jönnék vissza 5 percen belül,várjatok tovább ! (Ace Ventura)

Mindenki úgy nyel,ahogy nyalat.

Jólvan gyerekek,akkor most rakjuk össze a tegnap estét.

Ne feküdjetek le haraggal...
maradjatok fenn és veszekedjetek.

'Gondolkodom,tehát vagyok'-mondta Descartes a XVII. században.
'Gondolkodom,tehát itt vagyok'-mondta egy szovjet tudós a gulágon.
'Gondolkodom,tehát nem vagyok normális'-mondom én a XXI.század elején.

Ha szemmel mindent ellehetne intézni,az utcákon csak halottak és terhes nők lennének.

A szülők úgy hívják 'visszabeszélés',pedig mi csak megmagyarázzuk miben tévednek.

Agresszív kismalac sétál az erdőben,találkozik Nyuszikával. Hozzávágja a palacsintáját,mire a Nyuszika:
-Ez szándékos volt?
-Nem! Lekváros!

Istenem,kérlek adj nekem bölcsességet,hogy megérthessem a páromat,adj szeretetet,hogy megbocsáthassak neki,és adj türelmet,hogy elviseljem a hibáit. Mert ha erőt kérnék,akkor biztos agyonverném.

A fény gyorsabban terjed,mint a hang. Ezért van,hogy ránézésre okosnak tűnik valaki,egészen addig,amíg meg nem szólal.

Diplomata az,aki úgy tud elküldeni a fenébe,hogy szinte várod,hogy indulhass.

Míg ti kibeszéltek,én csak hátra dőlök és arra gondolok: 'Azannyát' van egy fanclubbom!

Ne bánkódj,ha gondjaid vannaka  matematikával,biztosíthatlak,az enyémek sokkal nagyobbak.

A nőknek sok hibájuk van. A férfiaknak csak kettő. Minden amit mondanak,és minden amit tesznek...

Az ördög nem alszik,legalábbis nem akárkivel.

-Hogy szólítja a matematikus a csirkéit?
-3,14! 3,14! 3,14! (pí,pí,pí)

-Gyerekek,jön fel a nap!
-Miért, azt is ittunk?

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